On March 1, 2020, I hugged and kissed my 97-year-old father and my 94-year-old mother goodbye. As I walked out of the front door of the nursing home where they live, a friend who has taken my sisters and me back and forth to the airport for over 7 years, was waiting. He brought his dog with him. I love that dog. He is always a playful bright spot in my back-and-forth, draining, caretaker life.
On the ride to the airport, I cried. Each time I leave my parents, I fear I have seen one or both of them for the last time. This time was more poignant. Covid-19 was beginning to show up all over the country and growing exponentially. It was known to be dangerous to the old and frail.
I knew I would be back in 17 days to see them again. My sisters and I have tag teamed being with our parents since 2011, when they became disabled. None of us lives in the area. We all fly in. One of us has been with them at all times since then. We are all exhausted logistically, physically and emotionally, but on a mission to maintain our parent’s quality of life. So far, so good. After 74 years of marriage, they are in the same room and fall asleep every night with their beds pushed together, holding hands.
I never made it back to Florida on the March 17th. The nursing home went on lock down on March 12th. We were kicked out. Air travel became essential only. My parents were without us for the first time in 9 years.
And suddenly I found myself home for longer than I had been in one stretch since 2011.
All of a sudden, life as I knew it went away. And the lives of a planet full of people was thrown up in the air in a matter of weeks.
Do you remember what happened the day you were given stay at home orders? Or when you found out you, or someone you know and love, tested positive for Covid? How did you feel? How many emotions ran through you? What ran rampant through your mind? Am I safe? Will I stay healthy? Will we run out of toilet paper? Will I go mad having to stay in? Will I loose my job? Will I make it through this? How? Will my family – will I – make it through this?
Sometimes the most honest answer is “I just don’t know.” This is one of those times. In fact, in our lifetimes, there has never been a Don’t Know Experience even close to this. Or even imagined to be possible. An individual, family, neighborhood, community, country and global Don’t Know. Billions of people asking trillions of questions and coming up with a lot of “I Don’t Know” answers.
Through the ups and downs of my life, I finally surrendered to the observation that each life is filled with small, large and massive Don’t Knows. Over time, I decided to quit fighting the obvious and instead learn how to see the Don’t Knows in a different light. Instead of pushing against the Don’t Knows, I decided to see what happened if I joined with them instead – and perhaps learned to use them to my advantage.
That choice led me to years of research, reading, experimentation and copious note-taking. Over time, I learned how to leverage uncertainty, to have what I call a successful Don’t Know Experience, and to Grow When I Don’t Know.
In this blog I will share what I have learned and applied in my own life, with special insights that will help us all cope with, and leverage, the current quantum Don’t Know we are individually and collectively experiencing. I will introduce you to the characteristics of the Don’t Knows, and give you Tackling Tips and Tools that will assist you in using the Don’t Knows as an opportunity to grow personally, spiritually, psychologically and emotionally.
Together we will journey through the Don’t Knows… and grow.