When uncertainty walks in, things change. You may look the same. You may act the same (sort of). But one or more things in your world has changed. The flow, structure, fabric and content of your daily life will change, too.
The Don't Knows have a quality and a rhythm
all their own
When you go through a major Don’t Know, you may feel like you have parachuted into a foreign country and you are not sure what language is being spoken.
To help you get to know a bit about the new territory you have landed in, here is my Fodor’s guide to the most common things people experience when they Don’t Know.
Mixed Emotions ?!?!?!
Each day, hour or minute, you may be back and forth and roundabout, flipping from one emotion to another– like you are riding a roller coaster. This is normal! Whether or not you wanted to, you have lost something and you are grieving. Inherently, emotions are not good or bad. Each one brings something to your journey. Acknowledge them. Feel them. Then learn ways to spend more time in the ones that bring you joy, peace and acceptance. You can choose your emotional state and spend more time feeling good! (More about that in another blog!)
As you move further through your Don’t Know Experience, your emotions will smooth out. You may even begin to enjoy the ride!
Not knowing takes longer than knowing
When you Know, your path is clearly laid out and your movement forward is sure-footed. You set goals and take action. The Don’t Knows are an exploration, a contemplation, a journey with unexpected twists and turns. You Don’t Know where you are headed and what you want to achieve. You need time to ponder, pick through your thoughts and feelings, and try-on different scenarios. Be patient with yourself. Think about taking a walk in nature rather than running a sprint.
Unrealistic expectations
The Don’t Knows are about learning and discerning. This will not happen in a week or a few days! Be patient with yourself and allow time for inner debate and changing your mind. True transformation doesn’t happen on a strict deadline. When something really matters, it takes more time to define it, refine it and make it part of your life. Give yourself the gift of time.
Find your new rhythm
Your life had a certain rhythm and cadence. Then things changed. How and what you do, and when you do them, will also change. Take some time to settle in to what your daily life looks like now. Find your new rhythm. Plan time to take care of the needful. Schedule time just for you.
You will want to force things to happen. Don’t
- unless you absolutely have to.
When you are in a time of not knowing, you are exploring, experimenting and gathering information. This is not the time to make decisions. Decide to not decide right now. When you allow time to feel things through, your decisions will expand your life, rather than limit it.
Expect more questions than answers
The Don’t Knows are a time to ask questions. Right now, you are a student studying the circumstances of your life. You are contemplating how you want to move forward. Answers will come. Right now, ask good questions that lead to self-knowledge and realization of who you truly are and what your heart wants.
Allow things to be different
When the world is uncertain, we tend to want to hold on tightly to what feels normal. If you try to recreate what was familiar, the amount of newness and insight you can bring into your life will be limited. Remember, you are not making major life decisions right now. You are trying things out to see what feels right. For now, allow things to be different.
Expect surprises
In each Don’t Know, thoughts, circumstances, people and
opportunities will show up that completely surprise you. Pay attention. Look
around. Stay connected. See what comes your way. Delight in the signs and signals
that cross your path. Allow them in and take them to heart.
Each Don’t Know Experience is different. As you go through life, gaining experience and wisdom, you will bring that wiser version of you with you and you will relate to your future Don’t Knows differently.
With practice, you will become more masterful at levering uncertainty. You will learn to Grow When you Don’t Know!
Wherever there is change,
and wherever there is uncertainty,
there is opportunity!