We humans have basic needs that need to be met to become fulfilled adults. How these needs are being met – or not – determine everything from how we make life choices to our ability to connect with others and develop healthy relationships. These needs are the force behind what and how we think and what we do. Yet, until we become aware of them, we may not know they are guiding our lives from behind the scenes.
So, what are these powerful, life-determining forces?
One of the world’s top personal development experts, Tony Robbins, teaches there are six of them.
- Need 1: Certainty – need for safety, stability, security, comfort, order, predictability, control, and consistency.
- Need 2: Uncertainty – need for variety, surprise, challenges, excitement, difference, chaos, adventure, change, and novelty.
- Need 3: Significance – need to have meaning, feel special, needed, and wanted, sense of importance, and worthy of love.
- Need 4: Love & Connection – need for communication, unified, approval, and attachment – to feel connected with, intimate and loved by other human beings.
- Need 5: Growth – need for constant emotional, intellectual, and spiritual development.
- Need 6: Contribution – need to give beyond ourselves, care, protect, and serve others.
When I first read this list many years ago, I squirmed at the thought we need uncertainty as much as we need certainty. I had experienced some pretty uncertain times in my life and did not connect them to warm and fuzzy feelings. How can uncertainty (especially chaos !!!) be a basic need, right up there with certainty and love?
To be successful, happy humans, aren’t we supposed to keep our eye on the ball, our ducks in a row, set goals, and go straight for them? How does uncertainty fit into that model of life? Yes, surprises can be nice, like getting roses for no reason at all or hearing from someone you haven’t talked to in years. And I love going on adventures, like backpacking into the Tetons or zip-lining through a Costa Rican jungle.
But chaos?
Who would want that?
As an amateur physics buff, as I researched uncertainty, I just happened to have on hand books about quantum mechanics, chaos theory and the basic laws of how our universe works. One of those, Seven Life Lessons of Chaos by John Briggs and F. David Peat, opened my eyes to seeing the Don’t Knows in a very different way.
The scientific term “chaos” refers to an underlying interconnectedness that exists in apparent random things. You might have heard this referred to as the Butterfly Effect. Chaos theory focuses on hidden patterns, nuances, the sensitivity of things, and the rules for how the unpredictable leads to the new. Nature uses chaos to create new things. It pulls elements of “what is” apart and puts them back together in new way. Chaos is nature’s way of being creative!
A small change can make much bigger changes happen.
One small action can have a big impact on the future.
A butterfly flaps its wings in Tokyo and a tornado occurs in Tennessee.
Growing When You Don't Know
When you are having a Don’t Know Experience, YOU, as a part of the physical world, will naturally create something new out of the chaos. By embracing chaos and uncertainty, and adding your influence (flapping your butterfly wings), YOU actively participate in the “something new” that forms out of chaos! Although the process is inherent and random, the outcome is directly influenced by YOU!
By surrendering to not knowing, and consciously exploring the Don’t Knows, and being curious about a new viewpoint or path, you directly impact the new that comes into your life.
The greater the uncertainty, the greater the influence you can have on the outcome.
Today’s Growing Edge
Ready to flap your butterfly wings?
Think of one small thing in your life you can, and are willing to, change starting now.
Write the following in your day timer, journal, or somewhere you will see it frequently. Complete this sentence with your one small thing.
As of today, I am (will) ____________________________________________________________.
Now, follow through today, and the next day…and the next. And pay attention to what happens!
Remember – when you change one thing, you change everything.